I know its been a while since I was last here, I have been great, just busy and lost touch with the blog
on to today's topic: THANK YOU GOD -- THANK YOU GOD -- THANK YOU GOD!
Five years ago today I was broke, homeless, destitute, sick and tired. I made a decision on that day that I couldn't continue on like I was. I was fresh out of the hospital from overdosing, walked back to a drug house that I stayed at from time to time and made the decision that I couldn't keep doing this. In the grass outside, I was crying looking up to the sky and begging God to either take me or help me stop.
Later that day I landed in a detox unit where I stayed for a couple days. Once I was released from there, again homeless I called the Fern House and begged for help. I entered the program (which did not mean much as I had entered 26 other programs before) and started on a ride.
That ride wasn't believed by anyone (myself especially) to be a long one. I had "tried" so many times before. I had no faith in myself, and VERY few had any faith in me (for good reason). To this day I don't understand why I didn't get involved in the crap that was going on in that program, the crap I had always been in the center of before.....but I didn't.
I found someone to help guide me, but had done that before. He gave me suggestions...which for the VERY first time, I followed. I have not looked back since. I worked, and continue to work on myself and improved my attitude about myself, other people and life itself. Most importantly I found a relationship with God. There is still MUCH more to be done, but you will never hear me complain about where my life is today.
In the last five years, I have gone back to school, been certified (not certifiable) to work in the addictions field as a primary therapist, spent almost four of those years working with other people like me trying to help teach them a new way to live their lives. Today I have the pleasure of working at that same facility that helped turn my life around! The Fern House continues today to guide me as I get to first hand watch people get themselves in that same stupid stuff I used to involve myself in, and occasionally get to watch someone eyes suddenly get bright as they get it.
Everyday as I start to pull myself together and get ready for whatever turn this roller-coaster is gonna take today, I think back to the last moments of my fathers life....the last words I heard him say to me: "I'm proud of you." I had not given him any reason to say those words to me in so many years, the fact that those were the last words he said to me resonate in my head every day. They help to drive me in my adventurers, they make me want to work harder at my job so someone else can maybe hear those words too.
The moral of this rants story is simple, if there is something troubling you...something you just cant beat, the problem is probably from within you which means you can't solve it....you will need something a little bit higher than you, so look up!
Here's hoping all your faces have smiles today
