T- four days

Well folks im back again. I am glad no one has gotten mad at me for not posting much in the last few months, I dont even get a chance to read to many blogs anymore. I am intending on a daily post throughout the cruise starting on Sunday! I am so looking forward to this vacation as some down time is verymuch needed. The fifteen hour days dont so much bother me, its the fact there are seven of them in a week that is pushing on me. A little R&R is just what is needed.

So for an update, I went to Dr. Wacks last week and weighed in and he told me I now weigh less than him. He added he doesnt think he can like me anymore, oops. My weigh in was 262lbs which was sixtyeight pounds since I started this diet about seven months ago. The weight is falling off a bit slower now but still inching down here and there. Dr. Wacks said one pound per week now is great and two would be excellent, but still being an addict and wanting instant gratification I still want ten pounds per week. guess we dont always get what we want. He also checked my bloodpressure and told me to throw away the meds I have been taking for hypertension. it was 80/55 and my heart rate was 50, now I am right at 120/75 with no meds. I had no idea how much the weight was hurting me in the now. I knew if I didnt lose weight it would kill me early but early was coming faster than I expected. Now I can walk without gasping for air and do all the things normal people do. I made a promise to myself when this started, lose 100 pounds then quit smoking, who knew I could do that. It was kind of an excuse to not quit smoking but I guess I might have to do that too.

Well thats it for now, gotta get back to work. I hope you will join me for some cruising blog fun.
Heres hoping all your faces have smiles

Its Been a While

Well it has been a good long while since I wrote anything here. Sorry, I have just been insanely busy with the new job. To give everyone an update on what it is I do, here we go. Number one job is overseeing fifty eight addicts and alcoholics. If that was my only responsibility it would keep me going every day, but there is more. Second, I am the guy who does all the interviews of potential clients. This includes….sit down before you fall down….. I walk into the Palm Beach County Jail at least once a week, usually more. The sheriff’s department actually cleared me to walk in the front door after doing a background check (not sure where their standards are). The best part of this whole thing is I get to walk out the front door whenever I feel like it, pretty cool eh? I also walk in and out of courtrooms on a regular basis. I put on my suit and walk in there like an attorney and the judges take me serious when I speak (that’s the part that really blows me away).

I also run groups; keep working relationships with attorneys, probation officers and other professionals. If they only knew where I was three years ago I doubt any of them would talk to me, so that will stay our little secret because this retired crack head has the coolest job in the world. It is kind of all-encompassing though and that is why you haven’t seen me here in so long, and kind of rarely for my standards on Facebook. I am sorry that I have not been keeping in touch with you I just have not had time. I figured out that I am putting in about 70 hours per week if it is slow, but the thing is I don’t feel like I have a job, this isn’t really work. I perform a labor of love every day and no matter what I wake up excited. My boss is more a friend and college than a boss. He gives me direction and coaching but in ways no other boss ever has, seems like he is training me for his job one day (hopefully not one day too soon). I still have a lot to learn, like when to shut up on the witness stand but I am working on it.

I have a couple more things to update you guys on, first the diet. When this started it was kind of the hardest thing ever. I went through a full blow detox, it was horrible. I was the crankiest person you could have been around but it has been worth it. As of now I am down about sixty pounds and frustrated because I have leveled off on my losing. I will admit that I have not been as intense lately and I need to get back into that routine. It is just so hard with my schedule and the fact that I don’t cook any of my own meals. I thing I have gotten to the point that nothing short of exercise will work, DRAT!  So at the advice of my doctor I am supposed to walk every morning. I find myself doing this about half the time because my joints and muscles are so weak from years of not exercising that I must twist an ankle every other day and it gets too painful to walk on.

For an update on the school thing, I have been going to class and am close. When I get back from vacation in December I will be starting my internship (which I will do at work YEAH!) once that is done in January I will go back and take the last five classes and sit for my state boards. Hope to have that all finished by April. So as you can tell I have been a busy beaver, so busy I almost loose count on when this vacation is. I think it’s in like twenty two days or something like that. (just kidding it is exactly twenty two days) I am excited and need the break but I think I will miss work being away from it for a whole week.

Well I think that enough for today. Sorry the post was so long but I have not updated you guys in so long I has a lot to report. Here’s hoping all your faces have smiles

Crazy Fun Times

So it’s been about a month since my last post….because I have been just that busy. The new job is going so well, it’s just a lot. I knew what I was getting myself into when I made this decision, but I had no idea how much fun it could be. The Fern House has many great events coming up in the near future and allow this to be an invitation.

First up will be this coming Saturday September 17 we have a concert here.

As you can see it’s a tribute to the Beatles, and should be a lot of fun. The next event will be the following Saturday September 24 which will be the annual Graduation Ceremony. Once we get those behind us it will be time to start planning the holidays. If you live in the West Palm Beach area I encourage you to come by and see the Fern House once the Christmas lights go up in November.

As for me personally, I work a lot! I have been working every day trying to get my fingerprint on the activities here.  I think I am just about to the point where I can slow down a bit. It’s also just 84 days till vacation. I must say I am already ready. If I could pack now I would quite happily but not quite yet I guess. 

 

That’s about it for now I guess….. Here’s hoping all your faces have smiles!

Anything is possible

I would like to start this post on a very somber note. The world lost a great man this week, Clancy Cebula passed away Friday after suffering a massive stroke on this past Wednesday.  Clancy had the pleasure of touching thousands of lives in his work, and many owe him a debt of gratitude, me included. Any time someone like Clancy is lost there is a void left behind. In this case more than one. There are the countless alcoholics and addicts that he touched, but the institution he worked in, the Fern House also has a deep void that must be filled.

This is where I come in; I have been asked to help fill that void. As my regulars know I make a weekly trip back to the Fern on Wednesday nights to run a group for some of the guys. As I was leaving this week I was approached by the executive director Bernard and he reached out his hand for some help. Now most of you do not know that on many occasions I reached my hand to him and begged for help. This man offered me the help that got me out of the Broward County Jail having never laid eyes or spoken to me. Just because that’s what he does, takes chances on people. This man was always there for me with no expectations of me ever returning the favor, but now I have the chance to anyway. I have accepted the position of manager of the Fern House and have the honor of returning back to the scene of my transformation.

The funny thing about this is it was just a couple weeks ago I was sitting with a couple people important to me who asked where I wanted my life to go. I didn’t hesitate, I said I would love to go back to the Fern House and work on the front lines fighting a good fight. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe in treatment. I wish it was more available to people like I was, the bottom of the barrel junkie. Unfortunately though treatment isn’t always available to people like me because it is expensive, $1000 per day expensive or more and thus it is reserved for people of means. You either need great insurance or wealthy family who isn’t sick of throwing copious amounts of money at the problem. I stopped falling into either of those categories long before I was ready to solve the problems I had, which meant I needed there to be a place like Fern House, and I needed people to care about my type of addict. This is why I consider it one of the greatest blessings ever laid before me and I can’t wait to embrace this challenge.

Now I cannot talk about this new opportunity without acknowledging the two jobs I am leaving to embrace it. Starting with what I have always dubbed “the kiddies” sunrise detox has been a great adventure for me. I remember back when they invited me into their family. I had no driver’s license or car. I took the bus as close as I could get and walked in on a scorching May afternoon, sweat dripping down my face, shirt soaked. Honestly in a time of ten percent unemployment I would not have interviewed me the way I looked, but they did. I guess they saw something in me because they offered me a job on the spot and I was working in the field that I wanted to work in, helping people. Not every day was great, but my overall impression of this period of my life will remain just that, great. I only hope they have appreciated my efforts half as much as I appreciate the opportunity to do something I have a passion for.

And then there was job #2, A New Way of Life sober living. I moved in two years ago and immediately became close friends with the owner Daryl. He soon began asking my advice and I was always ready to help him any way I could. The day came when he just didn’t have the time required and he offered me the job of manager. I set unrealistic expectations because the only halfway house I ever saw the inner workings of was Fern House so that’s what I thought I had to recreate. But Fern House is unique, I could not recreate it and thinking I could was really the one regret I have. I had some real success there, and fell on my face a few times, but the experience helped shape who I am today so I am grateful.

I leave both these wonderful organizations with a heavy heart. I have many great stories, had many a great laugh during this time and will never forget the people who took a chance on me or the great freinds i made. Now however is time for dreams to come true. What you ask is the true meaning of these ramblings? Simple….never give up on your dreams, anything is possible!

Here’s hoping all your faces have smiles, you couldn’t pry mine off that’s for sure

WTF?

Yes that is the nicest thing I can say about our government right now, WTF?

The talks going on right now in Washington over our financial situation is pathetic. I don't really care if you side with obummer or the tea bags, you can't be happy with the people WE pay to lead right now. I have tried to stay neutral through this and just watch, I have tried to stay out of it thinking that this is politics and they will come to an agreement that neither side will totally like but the nation needs a resolution but i am not anymore. I am pissed! This is not the time for these dipshidiots to allow pride to destroy the nation, but that is what looms here.

I will say that one side has come with an offer for compromise, the dem's offered to eat 86% of the burden reducing Medicare and social security among many other programs that traditionally get them elected. The other 14% would have to come from revenue increases. An 86% win was apparently not good enough for repubs. They will accept nothing short of 100%. I think we should reenact the tax structure of 1986, a tax plan that every republican will remember was from their patron saint Ronald Reagan (who raised the debt ceiling 19 times because its what the country needed). The difference between then and now is simple, they were slightly higher than they are now, but brought in far more revenue than the little 3% difference BECAUSE, the patron saint of low taxes removed the corporate tax loopholes. Ronald Reagan was a true conservative see, he didn't believe in welfare. If you ask Eric Cantor what he thinks of welfare he will say he is totally against it, but you see he is not. He against programs that help the poor as they will not be voting for him, he does however love welfare for the corporations that fund his election efforts. That's why we can't afford 68 million dollars per year for the healthy mothers and healthy babies program, but the entitlements for corporate jets....his comment was "it's just two billion dollars". Not sure how anyone can put the word just in a statement that includes the phrase two billion dollars but he found a way.

This whole thing just makes me sick. Some of you have heard of presidential candidate Michelle Bachman, you know the lady whose husband cures people of being gay. Yeah that lady.... Well she just loves, and I mean loves the word slavery. Everything that happens in the world is enslaving someone. I personally think she is a joke not as big a joke as her husband, but a joke none the less. If you want to know why i feel she is a joke, well i will point out one quote she made to gretta on fox news yesterday..."i don't know why the president says we won't be able to pay the debt, we have plenty of money to pay the debt. WHAT?????? Sorry if you like her but even gretta van sustren, who never met a republican she didn't love managed to argue with her on this idiotic statement. But I digress, I will borrow her platform right now, the congress is enslaving the people of the united states of America.

Let me say this clearly, I do not like president obummer! I think he is (excuse my language) a pussy. He rolls over and plays dead when we need a leader, so for those who think I am rallying the Obama fans here let's dispel that immediately. He is a horrible president. Most who think he is horrible think so because he is uber liberal. I think he is horrible because he is a pussy. He has had two and a half years and just this week, for the VERY first time, stood up to the republicans for something he believes in.

If financial savings is what we need so much, how's about we end a war or two, their kinda expensive right? I mean Iraq has exceeded one trillion dollars, or eight percent of the nations total debt. Afghanistan will be costing the US $117 billion dollars this year, half a trillion in total. If I remember correctly, and please correct me if I'm wrong here, that war started so we could hunt down the people who knocked down those buildings (if I could have expressed the way bush said the word terrorist in writing I would have happily used that word). Again, correct me if I'm wrong but, didn't we find the guy in charge of that whole knocking buildings down thing in FREAKING PAKISTAN! Evidence says he has been there for YEARS. How much does the pentagon spend on military intelligence? Anyway, mission freaking accomplished, he's dead, the Taliban are out of power, and heroine imports are up 1000%! Good times. It's time to end this mess, if you remember it was not knowing when to leave Afghanistan that brought down the soviet empire.......but that can't happen to us right? I love the line "those who FAIL to learn from history, are DOOMED to repeat it".

I personally side with 63% of Americans in believing the inflexibility of the republicans is the main problem here. My father, who I'm sure has lost a tooth grinding his teeth together as he reads this would disagree. We are allowed to disagree, that the great thing about this country. Leadership however has ALWAYS negotiated a deal to try to appease most of the country. That's why they are leaders. That's what this country needs. That's what this country lacks, on both sides of the isle.

Let's choose:



OR


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Happy Independence Day

Well it has been almost a month since I checked in here. I have been so busy, and I found myself with some writers block. I just haven't had anything to say. I have even been cutting down to just one joke a day on Facebook, which is about half what I usually put in there.

Job number one is doing quite fine, better than it has been for me in quite a while. School is also going quite well but I am in a stretch of seven weeks in a row, seven totally different classes and it has me full. Which brings me to job number two. I have lost focus there in the last couple weeks and it shows. I have had to send a few people packing as the midsummer go get high festival is apparently in full swing. Some of you will remember last month I spoke to you about a friend who was staying with me that found himself with a crack pipe in his mouth, and I gave him another chance....well he tossed himself out when he decided to do it again. There have been a couple others since then too. One guy I had to toss because he was a huge disruption and refused to follow the rules. After a couple weeks of everyone running rampant I sat everyone down and we went over EXACTLY what was expected, and twelve hours later he was off doing exactly what he wanted. He knew I was at job number one and thought he wouldn't get caught, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve that he just wasn't expecting.

I am at a point though where I just don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace. Two full time jobs and a full time student. I sleep from eight in the morning till about three in the afternoon and then run out and start over again. I have been slacking big time in my personal recovery, so much so that my spiritual adviser called me last week and asked why I thought I was cured. At first I was kinda insulted, but when I examined what he said I have to admit I haven't been doing anything for myself.

There was a convention of Narcotics Anonymous in town this week and I decided to go spend a night there (the most time I could). While I was there I heard three different people share their story, and the biggest newcomer of the bunch had 30 years of recovery. Well all three of them chronicled what it was like, what happened, what its like now...but most important to me what they still do now. I left there more than somewhat inspired and am nearing making a decision on what I want to do about job number two to help create some more time for my personal recovery. From a financial aspect I want to say I can't afford to stop doing it, but I managed before this thing came along. The only thing keeping me from quitting is the owner is a good friend and I don't want to leave him hanging. Tough decision!




Well enough about work life, it's the 4th of July and it's a time to reflect on freedom. We live in a great country, although not so closely followed by it's leaders. But let's not think about the political crap for just one day, weather you hate one side, or the other, or your like me and hate them equally.... That's not what this day is about. We live in a rare place my friends, you see in many parts of the world I would get thrown in prison for hating the leaders. In many places the freedoms we call basic, are out of reach. The freedom we have is precious, but it wasn't free. Many have sacrificed, many have died to ensure it is here for us, and I think the majority of this country doesn't appreciate it. They aren't taught civics class in school anymore. God, which was one of the reasons for the movement of europeans coming to the new world, a freedom of religion... Well God isn't even in the pledge of allegiance anymore. History books are approved, not for the facts included in the content, but to ensure people can pass their state exams. The English language I grew up with, and many immigrants were so proud to learn when they came to this country...to become an American, not a Mexican American, or an African American, or an Asian American.... But an American! Well that pride is fading and the language I learned as a child is becoming the second and in some areas the third most popular dialect. People let's get back our pride. I don't think people should forget where they came from, but if it's so much better there then they should go back, because I miss the country, the pride in our union that we had when I was growing up. I don't think I'm a racist for thinking this way because I am so proud of this country that I think I'll stay. For my friends who found it necessary to leave their homeland to come here, don't loose your traditions, but I do think since you thought this place would be so much better...try it out and embrace a few of ours!

Now no one blow their fingers off today okay

Here's hoping all your faces have smiles!

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Concerts, cruises, and crack? Really????

Hi again everyone, and thanks for stopping by to visit with me. This has been a real strange day for me, some real ups and downs. My work week was actually very nice, but I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping during the daytime lately, even with the melatonin I take before laying down. This has presented a problem at work as it takes all my might to get through the hours of four am to seven am. If anyone has any suggestions I am open minded to your ideas.

Now back to today. Some of the ups have been Carnival Cruise Lines, which back in January offered us a twenty percent discount on a future cruise when we missed two ports. Well the corporate office had no knowledge of said discount and didn't want to give it to us. After one of the parental units sent about a dozen emails they have decided to honor their captains offer, in fact due to the inconvenience they also offered us a fifty buck on-board credit per person. You know what that means, time to announce......... December 4, 2011 Carnival Glory to Nassau, St Thomas, San Juan, and Grand Turk...TITS!



We shall be celebrating the fatherly parental units bicentennial... I mean birthday. The only problem is I know about the dates just WAY to early and will probably freak out waiting for this.

Today was also had a great thing happen, some of you will remember me writing about a concert I went to a couple months ago...you know


I thought that would jog your memories. Well the band FURTHUR did a pay per view web cast tonight from TRI studios in San Rafael, California. My roommate and I sat in the living room, iPad hooked up to the flatscreen and enjoyed a two and a half hour show, and it was great. I most enjoyed the fact that happy face guy wasn't there, nor was the overwhelming scent of dope in the air.....just great music!

Now life isn't a bunch of roses and mine is no exception. Job number two has been really draining. We were full for exactly four days, since Friday it has been a downhill slide though. We have lost three since then, and then came today. Now I am going to be nice, not because who I need to vent about reads the blog which he does, but because he is my friend and because I understand exactly where he is in that cranium of his right now.

I like to sit down and break bread with all the people under my roof regularly, it promotes a family atmosphere and helps us bond together. Well Tuesday night was my night to cook and I was making a favorite, tacos. Everyone seemed like they were looking forward to it, as was I. We were going to eat at 6:30, it was a plan. Well at 6:15 one of the guys wasn't home, I tried to call him and no answer. I called his business partner also no answer, they must be in a meeting right? Made sense to me, but he is getting leftovers because the rest of us had plans for the night and I finished cooking. After dinner, I am setting up for the concert, my phone rings...it's his business partner. We talked for a bit, but I didn't ask about my friend at this time, I just figured he was on his way home. The concert starts and honestly I forgot about him until it became curfew time. I was getting texts from others asking about late night meetings and it dawned on me, this jack wagon isn't home yet. I call again, no answer. I text, no response. I am pretty darn street smart and know this isn't good news. I call his business partner again, this time he is subject of conversation and we both know it can't be good news. Shortly thereafter he comes home, tweaked. He, like I have so many times before, decided to numb reality and went out and smoked crack after work. I called the owner of job number two, discussed it at length with him, called a house meeting and asked for suggestions. I asked what he did and the response was drive around and get high. I couldn't help it, the words just blurted out...that sounds like a bunch of fun. He looked at me, obviously riddled with guilt and asked if I thought he wanted to keep doing this crap. I told him obviously he did, because once you get on a path to recovery, you have to make a decision to go back to that crap. I believe that to be true.

I had a painful decision to make, and had to make it on the spot. I write about this because I think I made the wrong choice and am really struggling with this. I have always believed in this environment, if you get high, you get out. I make this decision without batting an eyelash every time it comes up. He was even expecting it, but I didn't. After speaking with the owner and the other people in the house I told him I was giving him exactly one get outta jail free card. You see this guy is a friend, for six years this guy has been a big support to me in my personal recovery. He introduced me to my sponsor for christ sake. And when no one else objected I didn't either, but I should have. Giving him a freebee in no way helps him and that pains me. I will never, I mean never give someone else a free pass, this I can promise you.

Well that's enough for now, here's hoping all your faces have smiles


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