You know, I knew that my Father was a very loved man, but I never could have imagined the amount of saddness floating through the world today. Many of you come by here from time to time but I have read blog after blog after facebook post about my Sarge today and I am truly touched. I have cried, I have laughed, I have pouted, and I have smiled today. I guess this will continue for a while to come.
My father has not smoked anything in a couple decades, but he used to enjoy a cigar. Therefore in his honor last night I indulged in a fine Dominican cigar. Three of the guys at Fern House joined me, and as we sat in the courtyard smoking these cigars I described the love that the Sarge had shown for so many years. I described the struggles that he went through with me, and they were many as most of you know. These guys who had never met him listened to my stories in awe of what a great man he was. I described the time we had since I got clean, the four cruises we spent together, the getting together every weekend for family time, and the look he gave me the day he told me hospice was coming when he made sure to tell me exactly how proud he was that I was his son.
I have a void, a void that can not be filled by anything. But when I look outside that selfish emotion of hurt, I realize that my father became the luckiest man in the universe yesterday. Let me explain........
Dad was a soilder, He fought in war, he fought addiction, he fought cancer three different times for the last eleven years of his life. Some of you read Mimi's Peace Blog, well she described that every soldier wants nothing more than peace, Sarge found that peace yesterday. Knowing that he will never fight again makes this unbearable pain sting a little bit less.
I walked into the computer room at Fern House, and one of the guys had found Sarge's blog and made that picture of him with the M-16 from Vietnam the backround picture on the computer. That made me cry again, but I reminded that is one of the fights he will never endure again.
I cant even stand to read back what I have written, I am just typing as fast as can hoping the thoughts will never enter my head again, knowing I wont be able to stop them. I hope this has been something that can be read, although I dont think I will read it for some time.
Once again, THANK YOU ALL for the love you have shown my family