Tuesday, March 15, 2011

A question for all of you

Ok, I am officially asking EVERYONE who reads this post to comment as I need your help. I have opened up the comments so anyone can chime in. As most of you know I am back in school with a short term goal of becoming a certified addiction counselor and a long term goal of a bachelors in either psychology of sociology (not sure which yet). I know a few things, and others I am quite clueless. I want to hear from you about something that I am apparently (based on the happenings of this morning) clueless on and I need your help. There will be two questions asked here. First will be to all the women and a second question for the men. Please respond as I am incredibly interested in what all of you think. Even if you see your answer already posted, say it again. I can already see that this information will be kept for use in a future paper to be written for one of my classes, but more important it will aid me in understanding a problem I have right now.

About now your probably wondering what the heck is on my mind that has me all but begging for input...... Well here it is......

I was having a conversation this morning with a female friend that I have had a crush on for some time. This crush dates back over three and a half years. The reasons for it were i thought we were a lot alike. I liked her sarcastic sense of humor, the way she carried herself, just who she was. Now I never acted upon these feelings because when it began my life was in absolute turmoil and I didn't want to bring her down the road I was traveling. When I got clean two years ago she was the person who talked me out of leaving the fern house before I completed my commitment. I wanted to leave so bad, but she was there for me and convinced me how stupid an idea that was. She also used a bit of a guilt trip, but looking back I am grateful to her because that quite possibly is part of the reason I am still above ground. Well we started talking again recently and it started as her looking for advice with a new man in her life that didn't end up working out. I got a message from her yesterday on Facebook asking for some more advice. Heres where it gets good: she was on a date with this guy this weekend and having a good time, but couldn't get her mind off another guy. So being the friend, and to give good advice to her I asked who the other guy was and she said it was me. This kinda floored me and it took about an hour for me to regroup my thoughts and respond. When I gathered myself I admitted to those feelings of three and a half years and we talked for quite a while last night and again this morning. All sounds pretty good so far eh? Well this morning she asked a question that I didn't have an answer too. I guess the real answer is all the things I have already said here, but as a guy I have been conditioned to expect questions from women that have no correct answer so I hesitate to tell her (well until she reads this I guess).

She asked me why I like her. Again I think I have stated most of the answers so far but it brings me to the point where I ask for input. My immediate response was because I do, which was so far from adequate that I can't explain. There had to be some in depth reasoning why and at that moment the reason was just simply that I do. Now the difference of opinion on weather that was an acceptable response leads me to you for help. So the next paragraph is for the ladies, guys feel free to skip down to the one that follows as it's for you.

Ok ladies, here it is...... Is it ever ok to like something or someone, or just be happy without micro-examination of why you feel that way. Can just being happy be enough, or must you understand why your happy?

Now guys, this is for you.... Do you ever micro-examine why your feeling pleasure, or do you just experience the feeling for what it is and sit back and enjoy?

You know they say most people who get into psychology do so in an effort to fix themselves, and to some extent I agree with that. The question I am asking myself right now is am I not in touch with my feelings or am I just being a guy on this.

Ok, for that special someone... To answer your question, reread the part about you, that's why I like you. BUT if you choose to comment, which I hope you do your only allowed to answer the question as it was posed and you will be introduced to everyone else at a later date.

To the rest of you, a secondary question, does a half a chromosome really make this much difference?

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad


  1. I am of the opinion that everybody tends to over-think and over-talk things nowadays. Not much ever looks that great under a microscope.

    I believe it's OK to just accept a person at face value until they give you reason not to anymore.

    In other words - and to steal a line from a movie - everyone starts with an A in my 'class'. It's up to them to keep their grade.

    Life's too short, honey! Enjoy!

  2. Okay, there's way too much cat and mouse here.
    You know when there's a mutual attraction, it's like a gravitational pull. There is no asking why, there is only acceptance and the willingness to overcome any and all obstacles, and the desire to give oneself completely.

    If someone asks, "Well, why do you like me?" then I see that as a message that they might be trying to work through their own feelings. This isn't good or bad, it's just how things appear.

    Right now, the ball is in your court, Chuck. I agree. Life is too short. Especially when it comes to second guessing emotions.

  3. I could give you many reasons why I love my wife (and I was forced to do this by our pre-marital counselor). I don't think about this often, and I don't tend to over-think it.

    Above all else, I keep coming back to this one notion: I ~love~ the way she makes my heart feel.

  4. i am a rule breaker and i am breaking yours. but i will answer your question first. women are hyper critical of themselves, and it is hard not to examine everything, even if you have a minimal amount of insecurities. that being said, yes, sometimes it is ok to like someone just because, but it has to be rooted in something deeper, because "just because" doesn't last forever.

    you seem to have completely forgotten that she was with another guy. but at the same time she openly admitted she was thinking about you. there is a lot to be said for that.

    to play the devil's advocate: did you tell her that you liked her 3 years ago, or that you liked her for 3 years? there is a huge difference. and despite the way she carries herself, she could have been hurt in the past...and depending on the hurt, one can question the motives of anyone that may want to get close. i am not telling you to chase her, but i am telling you to talk to her. does she know that she is the reason you stayed at the fern house was her? that is kind of a big deal.

    proceed with caution my dear. no one wants to see you lose your heart in this one. well not unless you want to.

  5. I ask my husband why why he loves me and he says he just does... Doesn't give any particular reason. Of course, being the over-thinker that I am, I have a huge list on why I love him.

    We women tend to be over-critical. I'm learning to take his answer and enjoy the fact that he loves me. It's a lesson for the two of us.

  6. Chuck -

    I think you are way overthinking this situation - tell her what you have stated here - that you like her sarcastic wit, her manner of carrying herself and most of all that she has always been a friend to you come hell or high water.

    Take the chance, my friend - you only go around once in life. You never know what might happen.

    Best of luck,


  7. I think JustJon stated it well. Sometimes women and even men like reaffirmation. Looking for a reflection back. They want to make sure the feelings are real, when we should really trust ourselves. I think you told her why really well here.



  8. notice i am not commenting... but i want to!

    smiles, mom

  9. Just ask her out for dinner, you fool.

  10. Lol at Kanani!

    Sorry I am a bit late. I read this yesterday, and started to comment. But got swamped at work at that same moment.

    For what it is worth, I overthink. A lot of women in my life, overthink. She has a right to understand what you feel and why. Perhaps she's been led astray by others and she wants to ensure the reasons why you care for her are strong enough and worth moving on from the other guy. Don't overthink, just answer from the heart (which I think you did).

    Its not marriage, its courtship, there are alot of things to be learned, it doesn't come all at once. Its gradual.

    I spent many, many years lusting after someone who was a close friend. The unrequited love saga is quite trying and stressful. I am glad you were honest about your feelings and didn't continue to love from afar, unbenknownst to her.

    GOod luck, follow your heart, don't overthink, and always, ALWAYS be honest!