Monday, February 7, 2011

Thank God its Monday!!!!!

Yup I said it, thank God its all you mon-fri people out there sorry about your bad luck, but I am a Friday through Sunday night shift guy and this was a freaking crazy weekend. I personally did enogh admissions to fill a third of the facility in three nights. I wish I could share some of the stories as I am sure you would just laugh and laugh but I cant really talk about that place publicly. I will however share a funny story about my break last night.

Now before I start i already know what most of you are gonna say and I know I was wrong on multiple levels, but I swear this type of crap only happens to me because God knows it will keep me amused so I consider it a gift. At 3:30 am I went for a cup of coffee, now they do serve coffee at my job, but I swear they use the same company to get their coffee as the county jail, because it tastes the same. So anyway I am in the drive-thru at mt favorite late night coffee and dougnut shop counting the police cruisers when I see a man wobbling through the parking lot. He bravely goes up to the door and tries to open it but if your not wearing a badge you have to go through drive-thru at this hour. Now I am in my car, all the windows down, sterio blaring bebopping to my music waiting for my favorite immigrant doughnut guy to make my coffee when wobble guy decides to come over to the car. He walks up to the passenger window and starts talking to me. I cant understand a word he is saying because of the music so, looking for something a bit more entertaining, i turn down the radio.

He begins to tell me the plight of his night and I am thinking he is about to ask me for money. But wait, in his hand, i see a wad of cash....hmmmmm this is getting more interesting, let me actually listen to what he is saying. He begins to explain in a slurred speach that only a drunk could have that he had been partying in Hollywood beach all night and was on the way to his hotel when his car ran out of gas on the interstate. I asked where his hotel was and he said Fort Lauderdale beach. I immediately chime in with "no wonder you ran out of gas, your hotel was thirty miles ago, and your lucky that you didnt have a full tank of gas or you would have ended up in Daytona Beach."

He then tells me "I didnt see any signs for Ft Lauderdale" to which I replied "Well as you were leaving Hollywood the first sign you should have seen was Ft Lauderdale next thirteen exits and the sign is as big as a car, but if you missed that the next clue should have been that it took ten minutes to get to the bar and thirty minutes to get back and were not even close yet. Im just sayin"

So he asks me if I know where a gas station is, I answer yes another half block the way you were walking. He responds "you mean Shell" (now at this point the building is blocking the veiw down the street) and I cant help myself at this point I chime in with "If you already saw the big sign with the seashell on it then why are you asking where the gas station is? he responds by tilting his head to one side, closing one eye, and squinting with the other im guessing this helps him focus better and says "hmmm good question". I tell him yes it is, thas why I asked it and he had no response. Then he asks me if I think the doughnut guy will let him use the phone to call a taxi to get to the gas station. I respond with "Its a half a block, if your to drunk to walk a half block, you probably shouldnt be buying gas"...again head tilted, one eye closed, other squinting, this time the tip of his toung is pushing through his lips.... now thats focus!

Now about this time I am waiting for the question, I know he is thinking it, he is gonna ask me to take him to the gas station, then drive him to his car. AND he did. as he is asking the question he starts waiving the wad of cash at me saying Ill take care of you brother.

Now here come the part where this is wrong on multiple levels, he could be a serial killer, if he is not but gets back behind the wheel of a car he could be a vehicular killer then it dawns on me.... I hope he is a serial killer, because after the weekend I had at work I could use someone to take out some aggression. I tell him that I will drop him off at Shell and from there he is on his own. Now this is not at all out of my way because I work next door to them and am on my way there as soon as i get my coffee. He tells me his name was Chris, I was hoping for the last name so I could find him on the booking blotter later but I didnt catch it. As I pulled into the gas station he reaches into his pocket and hands me a ten dollar bill. I tell him not to worry about it as I was coming this way, but he insisted and went on his way.

Everyone out there give a quick prayer right now to whom ever you pray to that Chris made it home without killing anyone or himself, Really hoping that the walk back to the car just wore him out and he fell asleep on the side of the road.

Moral of the story, dont drink and drive, or you might just end up in some other city baffled at how you got there! Have a great day ya'll

1 comment: